


What are you hiding?

by Kimboobaggins



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Realization, Unrequited Love, all at the worst possible times tbh, i dont even remember what i wrote actually, light tbh, more sad than bittersweet but eh, poor Gray u suffer a lot my child, tbh i dont even know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 18:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3946312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimboobaggins/pseuds/Kimboobaggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gray has a sinking feeling about the bandage wrapped around Natsu's arm. It's driving him insane and ever since he saw it, he knew something was wrong. Natsu would surely tell him if something was up, right?</p>
<p>Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What are you hiding?

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is my first fic on this god forbidden site and also my first gratsu fic
> 
> This was for the ftangstweek for days 5 and 7 (Gone Forever and E.N.D) but I decided to post it here too!!
> 
> there will be some mistakes, sorry in advance!!

     It’s not like Gray didn’t trust Natsu or anything, _really_. He just didn’t understand why Natsu had that bandage wrapped around his arm. _It’s just a weird fashion thing,_ Gray thought. Yeah, that had to be it, it has to be; yet the moment Gray saw Natsu, something felt wrong. When Gray saw that bandage wrapped around his arm, there was a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. He had chosen to ignore it though. He was on an undercover mission after all, and asking Natsu why his arm was covered would be too risky, especially in front of everyone so ignoring it was for the best. Even so, it bugged him to no end.

     Why was Natsu even wearing that? There could be so many excuses, it was for the sake of fashion, no, for some injury, no, it was because his arm is cold, no, _he’s hiding something._

All of Gray’s thoughts led to that, _he’s hiding something._ But what would he be hiding? It bothered Gray to no end, it wouldn’t leave his mind. Even when Gray had freed them from the cell, even when he and Lucy made up, even when Erza explained the plan to them, even when they fought side by side again, even when he and Juvia made up; it was still there nagging at him.

_Natsu is hiding something Natsu is hiding something Natsu is hiding something_

     It was sudden but he couldn’t help it, it was driving him insane. _Natsu is hiding something_. The thought would not leave his mind, Gray had to ask or he would lose it. So when they were all resting from the fight and catching up, Gray thought it’d be best to bring it up. Natsu was currently sitting down on a log and picking at the new bandages on his body, tugging at all of them but the one on his arm. Gray’s stomach twisted.

     “You had that bandage around your arm the whole time yet you seem to be able to move it just fine, why’s that?” Gray said rather nonchalantly, plopping down next to him and trying to look calm and composed.

     Natsu widened his eyes slightly and turned to face him. In that moment, Gray realized he had missed looking at this face, looking at those eyes in person. He had missed Natsu’s presence terribly, but he could focus on that later, he needed answers now.

     “It’s just a scar I got from training. Wendy told me I needed to keep it wrapped up so that it doesn’t get infected.” Natsu rambled on about something else but Gray stopped listening. Bile was building up his throat but he swallowed it down.

     He finally got rid of the previous thought but now it was replaced by another thought that wrenched his heart. It seemed so honest so sincere, but Gray _knew_. Gray was never one to believe in things like intuition or anything of the sort but with the twisting knot in his stomach and the way Natsu had averted his eyes, Gray _knew._

_Natsu is lying Natsu is lying Natsu is lying Natsu is lying Natsu is lying_

     With a small shake of his head, he forced himself to pay attention to what Natsu was saying. He couldn’t dwell on it right now, Natsu would surely tell him eventually. They were best friends after all, no matter how much they would fight and argue, they were best friends.

    _I can trust Natsu_ , Gray thought. His head began to throb slightly.

_Can I?_

* * *

    They had all decided to stay at Gray and Juvia’s house in the meantime. Gajeel and Levy stayed for a bit to catch up before leaving. Council duty was important and they had to report back anyways. Everyone was happy. There was laughter, there was jokes, and of course some teasing about Juvia and Gray living together. It was all calm and everyone seemed to forget about the days events all together. Even Gray was able to push that nagging thought behind a bit to focus on the others. He was content and happy to be with them again, he really was, honestly. Yet whenever Natsu would move _that_ arm, the thought would hit Gray again and again.

_Natsu is lying_

* * *

     The sun had set and was replaced by the stars a few hours ago now. Gray rubbed his eyes and looked around the table. Wendy was resting her head on the table and looked like she was about to pass out any time now, Lucy looked exhausted but firmly held Happy, who was sound asleep in her arms, Erza kept nodding off only to jerk back up in her chair, Carla was trying to keep her eyes open and failing miserably, Natsu seemed fine but Gray knew Natsu well enough that if he were to close his eyes he’d fall asleep as well.

     Gray felt a weight pressing against his shoulder again. Suppressing a sigh, he jerked his shoulder and heard the same high pitched yelp from the same person who already attempted this about 5 times now. Juvia was tired, and wanted to sleep on him. Gray felt bad for not telling her about the plan and leaving her for all those months, he really did, but he was not about to let her sleep on him. He may have warmed up to her over the last few months, been kinder and more tolerant with her, Gray still didn’t return her feelings.

     Gray glanced at Natsu again. His hair had gotten longer and his skin tanner. Natsu didn’t change much but there were subtle differences, the most obvious being his arm. Stupid bandaged arm aside, Gray couldn’t help but notice how Natsu grew more handsome after only a year. Natsu looked up then, tired green eyes meeting equally tired ice blue ones. A familar feeling of butterflies danced around in Gray’s stomach.

     The main reason Gray never returned Juvia’s feelings was, well, because he liked Natsu. _A lot._ Gray was only 10 years old at the time he found out that he had a crush on the dragon slayer. At first he had no idea he had a crush or even what a crush was; Gray had deemed it natural to get butterflies in your stomach when you thought about your friend or for your heart to beat fast whenever you were with them. When he discovered what a crush and love was, it made sense. After all, he had never felt that way towards Erza or Cana - just Natsu.

     Of course at first, Gray was beyond embarrassed. He was suppose to hate Natsu and want to push him to the ground, not want to hold his hand and hug him. It only grew worse after he hit puberty. With new body changes came new dreams that involved his pink haired friend, and he wasn’t dreaming about them holding hands; _oh no_ , he dreamt of their hands doing other things. It didn’t really help that Natsu liked getting into physical fights either. Not only was Gray scared of hurting Natsu, there were times where Natsu would pin Gray down and, well, Gray liked it when Natsu did that. He liked it _a lot_ , if his dreams on those nights indicated anything.

     Several years later today, Gray is able to keep his urges under control. He still very much has a huge crush on Natsu, but he’s able to hide it well. The only person who knows is Cana, due to Gray agreeing to drink with her one fateful night. Five rounds later and Gray was drunk, resulting in him confessing to Cana about his feelings for Natsu. He had drank enough for him to completely forget what he had done that night the next day. The only reason he found out was because he woke up to only be teased by Cana.

    _“Ah it was great!,” Cana wiped a tear away, “you sounded like a little girl talking about her crush! ‘Oh he’s so cute Cana I can’t take it!’”_

     Gray is glad he can’t remember that night, even thinking about what Cana had told him what he said to her about Natsu made him want to hide his face. Even so, Cana never told another soul and didn’t judge him at all. Gray is entirely thankful for that.

     Gray rubbed his eyes again and stood up. The sound of a _smack_ followed by a mumbled _Gray-sama_ behind him was an indicator that Juvia had, once again, tried to lean on him.

     “I think it’s time we all went to sleep.” He announced. There were agreeing mumbles coming from everyone as they all got up. A thought came to Gray then that caused his cheeks to feel slightly warmer. It wasn’t really _necessary_ , they were all friends here but it just came to him. _I can get some answers this way_ , Gray reasoned. But was that what he _really_ wanted? No! Of course he wanted some answers but if he was being completely honest, he wanted more than just answers…

     “Juvia,” Gray put a hand on her shoulder, “let’s make some arrangements.” Gray mentally slapped himself once he saw her cheeks turn pink and eyes sparkle and widen. Why couldn’t he have worded it better?

     “Gray-sama asked for a wedding arrangement.” Juvia whispered behind her hands. Gray rolled his eyes and sighed, knowing full well what her fantasies contained by now. “No Juvia, I meant arrangements as in you girls sleep in one room and Natsu and I in another room.” Gray said. He hoped no one would suspect that he just _really_ wanted to sleep in a room with Natsu alone.

     “Don’t forget Happy.” Natsu mumbled while taking him gently from Lucy’s arms. Gray mentally slapped himself and simply nodded to Natsu. Juvia raised her eyebrows and furrowed them, confused.

     “We only have one bedroom, Gray-sama.” She said. Gray blinked. He had forgotten about that.

     “Natsu and I can sleep in the living room, along with Happy.There’s only the three of us and there’s five of you, you can sleep in the bedroom.” Gray said quickly, trying to hide the desperateness in his voice but failed as his voice had risen slightly towards the end. Everyone seemed fine with the plan, not noticing his sudden change in voice but Erza had an unreadable expression as she stared at Gray. It sent an uncomfortable shiver down his spine. He swallowed nervously.

     In a matter of minutes, everything was situated. Gray and Natsu had settled for sleeping on the floor after Juvia suggested it (Gray had to suppress the urge to cry at her feet and thank her) with a few thick blankets under them to make it a little more comfortable. Juvia and Erza were going to share a bed and Wendy and Lucy would share one with Carla as well since they were big enough to fit two people.

     All the girls had gone to the room with Erza being the last. She paused at the door and turned to face Gray. “Goodnight you two.” She said tiredly. And that’s when it happened. She looked towards Natsu, then back at Gray with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She flashed a quick smile before stepping into the room and closing the door. Natsu yawned loudly and plopped down on the ground. Gray didn’t move an inch from his spot.

_Shit._

_Erza knew._

     Was it really that obvious? Gray quickly moved and laid down on the makeshift bed, keeping a good distance away from Natsu who had already passed out on his side. If only Erza hinted to knowing, then maybe it was only her who caught on? She did know Gray for a long time after all. _At least she seemed supportive_ , Gray thought and it was true. Erza didn’t make a rude remark. If anything, she was suggesting things with that smile and glint in her eyes. Gray felt his face grow hot.

Oh.

_Oh._

     Erza had probably guessed that Gray wanted to sleep alone with Natsu for a completely different reason. _Well she’s not wrong,_ Gray’s mind snickered. Gray quickly pushed all _**those**_ thoughts aside. He was right next to Natsu for crying out loud! How awkward would it be if Gray were to have an _accident_ while laying down next to Natsu? He didn’t want to find out.

     He felt better knowing that Erza didn't seem to mind though.

* * *

 

     Sleep was eluding him. Gray felt like the night was dragging on but a quick glance at the clock told him it’s really only been an hour since everyone else went to sleep. He had resorted to laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, focusing on his breathing. He had tried counting sheep but after 100, he gave up. Gray felt nervous, something was coiling in his stomach. It felt as though he had accidentally broke one of Erza’s most prized armor and was simply waiting for her to connect the dots and to come find him and beat the absolute hell out of him. He felt sick and gross and slimy and had the strong urge to hop into the shower and scrub his skin raw. He felt _dirty_ , un _easy, disgusting_ ; but _why?_

     Gray turned on his side. A small yelp left his throat and he wanted to strangle himself for making such an embarrassing sound. What was he? Five!? Natsu was also on his side and rather close. Gray’s breath hitched. Natsu was so close! Their arms were touching and there was about maybe 5 inches of space between their bodies.

     The feelings plaguing him before seemed to die instantly and were instead replaced by a warmth blossoming, starting from his chest and spreading out. This happened quite a bit whenever Gray was around Natsu. _“You’re in love, Gray.”_ Cana would always say but he doubted it. He just had a crush, a stupid, _irritating_ , crush on Natsu, that’s all. It would surely pass. _It’s been nine years_ , his subconscious argued. Gray squeezed his eyes shut. No, he wasn’t in love, _he couldn’t be._ This was Natsu, his _best friend_. He _couldn’t_ be, he just couldn’t. Gray was too focused on destroying E.N.D anyways. Being in love with Natsu would _ruin_ that.

_Ruin_? How? The sinking feeling came back full force

     Gray opened his eyes slowly and looked straight at Natsu. He looked beautiful. His face was calm and peaceful, his mouth slightly parted; letting soft breaths come out. His annoyingly pink hair was wild, fanned out against the pillow and his face. _He’s going to get some bad bed head when he wakes up_ , Gray thought, the warm feeling coming back. Natsu’s arms were in front of him, one hand under the pillow, the other laying in front of his face, slightly obscuring Gray’s view. The blinds were open which allowed the moonlight to stream in, bathing Natsu in the soft light. Natsu looked so serene, so beautiful. If possible, Gray would’ve melted at the sight.

     Gray lifted his hand and tentatively reached out to Natsu. His face felt hot, the tips of his ears burning. Once his fingers made contact with Natsu’s cheek, they burned as well. Gray’s heart hammered in his chest. He shouldn’t be doing this, what if Natsu woke up? Gray gently brushed Natsu’s hair out of his face, lightly dragging his fingers across face, enjoying how soft Natsu’s face was. When he pushed the last strand back, he traced his hand back down and gently cupped Natsu’s face. It was quiet, except for the soft breathing of Natsu and the snores coming from Happy - who Gray had completely forgotten was in the room - and his own heart beating rapidly in his chest.

     This was wrong, so wrong. He shouldn’t even be touching Natsu like this, this was his best _friend_. Yet here he was, touching Natsu so intimately, as if they were long time lovers. He couldn’t help it, it just felt so nice, so _**right**. What if Natsu wakes up_ , his mind wondered again. Would Natsu be disgusted? Would he be repulsed, would he yell at Gray and tell him to stay away? Would Natsu never want to see him again?

_What if he likes it?_

     Gray swallowed nervously and gently stroked his thumb over Natsu’s lips. Oh how he wish he could kiss them…

     Natsu moved. Gray tensed immediately and held his breath as Natsu shifted. There was a soft moan and Natsu seemed to lean forward a bit. _What if..._ Gray relaxed his hand, cupping his cheek softly again. Natsu made a soft sound that set Gray’s face on fire and nuzzled his face into Gray’s hand. Gray’s heart leaped out of his chest and his stomach did a summer salt. _Don’t scream Gray don’t scream_ , his mind told him. Could this mean? No! Natsu was still again, his breathing even and he had only shifted a little closer. Natsu was still very much asleep, this was just his subconscious reacting. _Natsu is probably thinking about Lucy…_

     Gray winced at the thought and looked at his hand. Everyone always teased Natsu and Lucy about each other and while Gray would also throw in a few remarks, it _hurt_. It hurt _a lot_. He had no choice but to go along with it though; if he showed that it hurt hearing people say that it was only a matter of time until Natsu and Lucy got together, then everyone would _know._ And while Gray had trusted the Guild and loved everyone, he could never be sure if everyone would accept his feelings. Gray didn’t know if _Natsu_ would accept his feelings, and that absolutely terrified Gray. It wasn’t really the thought of Natsu returning or rejecting the feelings but the thought of Natsu not accepting him. It’s what stopped Gray from confessing several times. _Natsu is just my friend,_ Gray would say to himself, _just my friend, nothing more._

     Gray tore his eyes away from his hand only to rest on something else. Natsu’s arm. Why didn’t Gray think of this sooner? This was why he wanted to be alone with Natsu in the first place. Gray’s face burned in embarrassment. He only wanted to be alone with Natsu because of that _stupid arm_ , not try to be intimate with his best fucking _friend_! Gray let out a shaky breath as he retracted his hand back, hovering it over the incriminating arm. It was now or never, Natsu was asleep - pretty heavily too if Gray stroking his face like a pervert didn’t wake him up - and Gray had already asked.

_Natsu is hiding something Natsu is hiding something Natsu is hiding something_

     That thought would never leave him it seems. Gray tentatively tugged at the bandage, starting at his wrist. Natsu didn’t budge. Gray was able to reveal some skin but it seemed…darker? It was probably the lighting, it was pretty dark outside...

_Natsu is hiding something Natsu is hiding something Natsu is hiding something_

     Grays’s ears began ringing, his head spinning. His hands were shaking and clammy. He felt hot, too hot. He began tugging the bandage down further. He froze his hand. Was that a pattern? Gray couldn’t really tell at the angle he was at but he could make out some black lines and Natsu’s own skin color. What was this? This didn’t look like any scar…

_NATSU IS HIDING SOMETHING_

     Gray let out a startled gasp as Natsu yanked his arm away. When did Natsu wake up? Gray looked guiltily at Natsu, and widened his eyes. The peace and calmness that had graced Natsu’s feature were gone now, instead replaced by cold green eyes and and an expression of shock. Perhaps it was the trick of the light or just Gray’s mind being too active but was that fear in Natsu’s eyes?

     “What are you doing?” Natsu asked, tone cold. Gray opened his mouth but quickly closed it, mouth dry and tongue heavy. Natsu had clamped his hand over his exposed wrist, almost as if Gray had hurt him there. Gray stared at Natsu’s arm. _It’s just a scar I got from training_. Gray ignored the sting in his chest.

_Natsu lied._

     Well there was no point in beating around the bush. Gray looked up to Natsu. The look in Natsu’s eyes told him that Natsu wouldn’t accept any bullshit Gray could come up with. He stared into cold green eyes. Oh yeah, Natsu was probably upset about this.

_Natsu lied._

     “You lied.” Gray mumbled. Natsu widened his eyes before quickly narrowing them and looking away from Gray.

     “It’s nothing important.”

     “Why did you lie?”

     “Because it’s not important!” Natsu’s voice was harsh. Gray stared at Natsu in disbelief. Not important? If it wasn’t important why would Natsu lie to him? _Because Natsu doesn’t trust you_ , a voice snickered. Gray bit his tongue and pushed that thought back. Of course Natsu trusts him, right?

     Natsu sat up which snapped Gray out of his thoughts immediately. Before Gray could ask, Natsu spoke up.

     “Let’s discuss this outside.”

 

* * *

     Gray kicked a pebble at his feet and watched it skitter away and didn’t move his gaze away from where it landed. Natsu wasn’t saying anything and Gray wasn’t sure whether he should initiate it or let Natsu speak first.

     They were both leaning against the side of the house, both wearing their day clothes as it was quite chilly and neither had changed into pajamas to sleep. It had been five minutes since they went outside and the silence felt suffocating. Gray felt like pullling his hair out. He knew he was gonna regret putting his hands on Natsu but he still went on with it. After a minute more of agonizing silence, Gray finally spoke up.

     “Was it really from training?” Gray asked. He felt like slapping himself for asking such a stupid question. What was that gonna answer? Natsu was quiet still so Gray glanced sideways at Natsu. The Dragon slayer was staring at his feet sadly, mouth hidden under his prized scarf. His shoulders looked tense and his hands were in his pockets, the culprit arm out of Gray’s sight. Gray’s stomach turned uncomfortably at the sight.

_Natsu is hiding something…_

     “You can say that.” Natsu murmured. Gray almost didn’t catch that. He turned his body to Natsu and looked at him head on.

     “Natsu…” Gray stopped himself. He had to choose his words carefully here. “That was not a scar.” _Nice going genius._

     “It’s really not that important.” Natsu’s voice was like ice. Gray could tell that Natsu was trying to dismiss it but Gray wouldn’t have it.

     “Cut the crap Natsu! If it wasn’t important you would show me and tell me how you got it. Telling me it’s not important means that it _is_ important.”

     Natsu raised his eyes and looked at Gray, turning his head slightly. They looked darked and dangerous. Gray swallowed nervously at the sight.

    “We’re friends Natsu.” Gray pleaded. “I’ve had a bad feeling ever since I saw you again with that bandage. You can trust me.” Gray practically whispered the last part.

     Natsu abruptly faced Gray. His eyebrows were knitted together tightly.

     “Then trust me when I say it’s nothing important. If you were _really_ my friend you’d drop it.” Natsu’s words were laced with venom and stung Gray. Gray clenched his fists.

     “That’s bullshit! If it was so unimportant you would’ve told me by now! Whatever is on your arm is something big and you don’t want me to see it, but why?” Gray felt himself shaking. Out of anger? Out of fear? Maybe both.

     “Why do you care? If you can abandon Juvia like that for no reason and not care about how it’d affect her even though she’s your nakama; what gives you the right to act like you care for me because I’m your _friend_?” Natsu spat.

     Gray gritted his teeth and lunged forward, grabbing the front of Natsu’s scarf and yanking him.

     “Don’t you dare try to guilt trip me out of asking about your arm.” Gray said coldly. Natsu had struck a nerve. Gray felt horrible about leaving Juvia, especially knowing that she had waited and even made herself sick due to how much she missed him. Gray felt _awful_ , but what else could he have done? Erza said it was for the best and it really was. That didn’t mean he didn’t _care_. It was for the sake of finding more clues about E.N.D and finally destroying it like his father had asked. Hearing it come from Natsu stung, it really did and Gray hated that Natsu could affect him this easily.

     Natsu continued to stare at him with equally cold eyes, his expression blank. It made Gray nervous. There was something unnerving about them.

     “You’re not any better than me.” Gray said. Natsu widened his eyes. “You left Lucy too!” Gray almost shouted. Natsu grabbed Gray’s wrist.

     “At least I told her I was leaving! What kind of friend just leaves without saying a goddamned word? You just left Juvia alone without even a goodbye! Don’t group me in with the likes of _you_!” Natsu practically _growled_ the last part. Gray took in a sharp breath. His stomach twsited again and his heart lurched painfully in his chest.

     “She loves you Gray! How do you think she felt? Juvia loves you and you just left her alone! She was sad and lonely and still forgave you after what you did yet you barely even talked to her when we came back here! How dare _you_ try to guilt _me_ and act like some saint by worrying over my arm even though I already told you it’s nothing important?” Natsu’s voice dripped with venom and his eyes narrowed dangerously, his iris green flames. His grip on Gray’s wrists had tightened.

     Gray opened his mouth but nothing came out. He was stunned in silence. Natsu had a point, a very good point. Natsu was also being cold. The Natsu Gray knew would _never_ say anything like this. Sure Natsu was short tempered at times and often acted on instinct, he would never try to purposely say anything hurtful to his friends and if he did, he always apologized. Yet here Natsu was, acting as if Gray was the most disgusting man to exist.

     “You say I can trust you but I doubt it. You can’t even admit that you hurt Juvia and you want to say that I cant trust you? _You’re_ the one spouting bullshit.” Natsu nearly screamed in Gray’s face. Gray squeezed his eyes shut.

     “ _SHUT UP_!” Gray threw himself on Natsu, both falling to the ground rather hard. Natsu sucked in a sharp breath when his back hit the ground but Gray ignored it. His fuse had run short. Natsu tightened his grip on Gray’s wrists painfully and threw him off but Gray had taken hold of Natsu’s vest, which resulted in Natsu being yanked on top of Gray.

     Natsu growled and released one of Gray’s wrist, raising it into a fist. Gray’s eyes widened and he quickly moved one hand to grab Natsu’s fist, only an inch away from his face. “Bastard.” Gray muttered under his breath. Gray let go of Natsu’s fist and pushed on his chest, hard, knocking Natsu back with a thud. Not missing a beat, Gray quickly pinned Nastsu down, hooking both his legs around Natsu’s thighs tightly and pinning his wrists down with strength. Natsu squirmed under him with a wild look on his face. He looked, well, _pissed_. Gray couldn’t let Natsu break free, so he focused and used ice to lock Natsu’s hands down. Then Gray saw it. The bandage around Natsu’s arm. Gray wanted to slap himself for not thinking to do this immediately. Gray grabbed the bandage and with the help of his ice, yanked down hard, ripping the cursed bandage off.

     It became eerily quiet and still. Gray had frozen in place, staring at the now bare arm with wide eyes. Natsu had tensed under him but Gray couldn’t focus on that. Black lines all moved in a pattern across tan skin. Gray couldn’t tear his eyes away. This was no scar at all. He couldn’t really tell what it was or what it  _meant_ but they looked eerily similar to the markings Gray had on his body. _Demon markings_. Gray let out a shaky breath.

     It felt like hours had passed but it was only mere seconds. Gray still couldn’t wrap his head around the markings. Not important? More like Natsu didn’t trust Gray. The thought hurt him. Gray finally managed to tear his eyes away from the markings to look at Natsu. His head was to the side and he was gazing off. He looked… _ashamed_. Gray wondered if it was because he had seen his arm.

     “What is this?” Gray whispered, to his self or Natsu, he didn’t know. Natsu didn’t move, only his chest rising and falling with every breath.

     “Nothing important.” Natsu murmured, turning his head to stare into Gray’s eyes, soft green boring into surprised blue ones. “I thought I already told you that.”

     “These look like the markings I had,” Gray tightened his grip on the wrist he was still holding, “don’t fucking lie to me Natsu. What is this?” Gray’s voice had risen, he was shaking again.

_Natsu is lying Natsu is lying Natsu is lying Natsu is lying Natsu is lying_

     “How many times do I have to tell you that it’s nothing?”

     “But it’s not nothing!” Gray shouted. Why wouldn’t Natsu tell him?

     Natsu gritted his teeth and tried to move his free arm but Gray quickly grabbed it tightly. No way was Natsu leaving now.

     “Why do you even care? Lucy, Wendy and _Erza_ didn’t ask! Not even Juvia! So why do you care?” Natsu shouted back at him. Gray shook his head.

     “It’s because I’m-” Gray froze immediately, his eyes widening. _It’s because I’m in love with you_ …, his mind finished.

     Gray gently let go of Natsu’s wrists and unhooked his legs from Natsu, sitting back between his legs. His legs tucked under him and head hung down.

    _I’m in love with Natsu_. Gray repeated it again and again in his head. _I’m in love with Natsu…._ Of all times to figure that out! He couldn’t tell Natsu that, not yet at least, not _right now._

     “Because I’m your best friend,” Gray decided to settle with, “I care because I’m your friend, Natsu.” And it wasn’t a complete lie.

     Natsu remained quiet. Gray was too scared to look at him, his face was burning and was probably pink. After two minutes of Gray listening to his heart hammering inside his chest, Natsu moved. Gray looked up shyly to see Natsu sitting up, eyes hidden by his bangs. After a bit of moving, Natsu was sitting criss-cross, Gray still with his legs under him on his knees. Natsu still stayed quiet, pink hair hair hiding green eyes. Gray stared at Natsu sadly. What had led to this?

     “I don’t know.” Natsu said so softly, so quietly that Gray nearly missed it. Before Gray could ask what he meant, Natsu continued.

     “I don’t know what it is. It just appeared one day, I don’t know why.” Nastu said, more clearly this time. He looked at Gray directly. Gray let out a small gasp. There was nothing but sincerity. Gray wasn’t sure what to say, but the slimy feeling in his gut came back.

_Natsu is hiding something._

     “Then why hide it?’ Gray asked, carefully studying Natsu. He only blinked.

     “I didn’t want to hear the same question over and over again, so I figured hiding it would be better.” Natsu smiled a little. “Of course that plan didn’t seem to work so well.” Natsu gestured his hand to Gray. Gray felt his ears burn. _Good going dumbass_ , Gray’s mind scolded.

     “Well you know…” Gray started but stopped. He felt horribly embarrassed. Gray rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and fixed his gaze on a small pebble, wanting to disappear.

     “It’s nothing, Gray, Trust me.” Natsu said softly. Gray smiled at the tone of his voice.

     There was a comfortable silence between them for once. Gray was glad. He had his answers now, but there was still a slimy feeling squirming in his stomach. He still felt uneasy.

     “Are you sure it’s nothing?” Gray asked, tone serious again. Natsu frowned and with an annoyed huff, he stood up. Gray stayed where he was, watching Natsu carefully.

     “How can I trust you if you can’t even trust me?” Natsu scoffed, clearly hurt by Grays’s question.

     “It’s not that I don’t trust you,” Gray quickly defended, "I just want to make sure. If there’s more to that marking, you can tell me.” Gray finished weakly. Natsu’s eyes were cold again.

     “There’s nothing else, Gray. It’s nothing serious, nothing to worry about.” Natsu’s tone indicated that he was done with this. “If you were my best friend, you’d drop this too.” Natsu added before turning and walking back to the entrance of the house. Gray still stayed firmly put in his place watching Natsu walk away. The uneasy feeling came back.

_Natsu is hiding something_

     Natsu stopped at the door. “Oh and another thing,” Natsu looked over his shoulder, “we are best _friends_ , nothing less.” Gray widened his eyes. Natsu touched his cheek, the same one Gray had touched earlier.

     “And nothing more.” With that, Natsu stepped inside and closed the door softly.

     Gray stared at the spot where Natsu was, eyes wide and mouth parted. _Nothing more._ Natsu knew, he _knew._ His shoulders began to shake. It’s not like he expected Natsu to return his feelings, Gray was actually expecting this. _Natsu is just my friend, nothing more_ , Gray had told himself that many times. Gray knew Natsu wouldn’t feel the same, he knew that, he _did_.

     Something warm rolled down Gray’s cheek. Gray touched it with a shaky hand to find that it was wet.

_Oh._

     Perhaps Gray had hoped that maybe, just maybe, Natsu would feel them same. How stupid. Gray had told himself that he’d only be a friend to Natsu, many times, but actually _hearing_ it coming from Natsu himself…

_It hurt._

     Gray sobbed alone. His shoulders shook as each sob racked him. Gray tried to stifle the sobs with his hand but they still came. His heart wrenched painfully in his chest. Was this what heartbreak felt like? Gray felt like he was torn in half by two simple words.

      _At least I got my answers_ , Gray thought bitterly. He learned about the arm that bugged him to no end, he learned that it was nothing, learned that he was very much in love with the Dragon slayer, and learned that said Dragon slayer didn’t return Gray’s newly discovered feelings.

     Gray wiped at his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. He couldn’t cry forever, he’d dealt with worse. It still didn't make him feel any _better_. Once he steadied his breathing and the tears stopped falling, Gray shakily stood up.

     It had gotten lighter outside. It wouldn’t be soon until some everyone else woke up, he should get some rest too. Gray walked in the house to find Natsu sound asleep, as if he didn’t just rip Gray’s heart apart. Of course Gray didn’t expect much. Natsu wasn’t obligated to cheer or comfort Gray. In all honesty, it’d make Gray feel worse.

     He laid back down on his spot, fully aware that the space between Natsu and him was bigger then before. Gray ignored the sting and closed his eyes. He imagined Natsu’s eyes, cold and dangerous. It didn’t take long for him to sleep, remembering Natsu’s words, _it’s nothing._

_Natsu is hiding._

* * *

 

     Everything seemed to slow down for Gray.

_No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nO NO N **ONO**_

     Gray fell to his knees, He heard someone shout his name. Lucy? Erza? Juvia? He didn’t know. He didn’t care. Zeref smiled at him. Gray wanted to strangle him, beat him, _kill_ him but one thing froze him in place.

_Natsu_

     Gray looked at that _arm_ , that stupid fucking _arm_. The marking taunted him, more spreading out across Natsu’s body; dark and intricate patterns that Gray didn’t understand.

_Natsu is hiding something_

     Green eyes met horrified blue ones. _No no no_ , Gray thought, Those eyes were _wrong._ They were too dark, too menacing, they weren’t the green he fell in love with, they weren’t _**Natsu.**_

_Natsu is hiding_

     Gray _knew_ there was something more. On that night Gray had his heart broken, there was still that uneasy feeling, it never went away. How could he be so _stupid_ to let his heartbreak stop him from asking Natsu more, from demanding an answer? 

_Natsu is…_

     Gray reached out a hand but dropped it. Zeref’s words resonated around in his head. _Destroy E.N.D.,_ Silver, his own _father_ had asked. His father’s last dying wish…

_Natsu…_

     Gray couldn’t think. It couldn’t be true. They were _friends_ , why did Natsu lie? Gray didn’t understand.

_Natsu is E.N.D_

     How could he destroy the person he loves? _That’s not Natsu anymore!,_ His mind screamed, _do it for your father, Gray! For Silver!_ There was movement and a scream. From who? Gray didn’t know. Green eyes seemed to move closer,

closer

.

.

.

.

* * *

 

     It was over

     Gray cradled Natsu’s head in his arm, like a mother would to her child. His breathing was shallow and coming in slow, too slow. Gray brushed hair out of Natsu’s face, ignoring the blood. There was so much...

     “Wendy will heal you, just hang on.” Gray’s voice wobbled. His vision grew blurry but he blinked away the tears. He quickly scanned the area. Gray was too weak to carry Natsu to Wendy, he hoped she’d come very soon.

     Natsu’s eyes were the same green again but they were dull, they no longer held a fiery spark.

     “…rry.” Natsu whispered. Gray held one of Natsus’s hands, eyes never leaving the dragon slayers face.

     “I’m…sorry.” Natsu gasped. Gray smiled softly.

     “It's okay, I forgive you.” Gray whispered, not trusting his voice to go any louder without cracking.

     Natsu gave him a shaky smile tears welling up in his eyes. They closed, to blink perhaps? The tears fell free.

     They didn’t open again

     Gray let go of Natsu’s hand, reaching to wipe away the tears that had spilled.

     “Natsu.” Gray whimpered. His childhood friend, his _best_ friend, the boy he loved… _Gone_. Gray let out a choked sob and held his body closer.

_Natsu..._

     “Gray…” A soft voice called out. Gray didn’t bother to look up to see who it was. It wasn’t Natsu who called out to him. He didn’t care who it was.

     The tears fell freely, Gray didn’t care who was watching. Everything hurt too much to care.

_Natsu is…_

     Gray didn’t realize he was whispering Natsu’s name over and over and _over_ again. It was too much, it was unbearable. He killed they boy he loved. Gray felt like his heart was slowly tearing.

_Natsu is gone…_

     Gray wiped away the blood on Natsu’s lips. Gray let out a shaky breath, more tears falling. He never did confess to Natsu, at least not officially. Natsu had figured out Gray’s feelings, he wasn’t an idiot. Even so, Gray had never said it loud, not even in private. He never told Natsu, not once.

     Gray gently cupped Natsu’s face. He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. He opened them and stared at Natsu’s face. The smile was barely there.

     “ _I love you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> and that is it!
> 
> did you like it? did you hate it? should i quit writing forever? should I publish a novel? 
> 
> Please tell me what you thought, criticism and feedback is greatly appreciated!!!
> 
> my tumblr is also kimboobaggins so you can leave me comments there if you want


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